Finding Comfort in the Moment: The DBT Self-Soothe Skill

When emotions feel painful or overwhelming, it’s easy to forget that comfort is something we can create for ourselves. Often, we look outward for relief, from other people, distractions, or even quick fixes, but in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), one of the most powerful distress tolerance tools teaches us how to create calm from the inside out. This is the Self-Soothe skill (Linehan, 2015).

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The Self-Soothe skill is about using your five senses, sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, to bring comfort and grounding to moments of distress. It helps you reconnect with your body, quiet your mind, and remind yourself that safety and calm are possible, even when emotions are strong.

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Why Self-Soothing Works

As Linehan (2015) explains, distress tolerance skills help you survive the moment without acting impulsively or making things worse. Self-soothing uses sensory experiences to engage the parts of the brain responsible for calm and regulation. Instead of trying to “think your way” out of distress, you use your senses to gently signal to your nervous system that you are safe.

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Rathus and Miller (2015) note that this skill is especially effective when you can’t change the situation, but need a way to lower emotional intensity, for example, after an argument, during grief, or when feeling rejected or anxious.

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How to Use the Self-Soothe Skill

To practice self-soothing, intentionally engage your five senses with activities that feel comforting or grounding. Here are some examples:

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Sight
Look at something calming or beautiful, nature, artwork, photographs, candles, or twinkle lights. Try organizing your space in a way that feels peaceful and visually soothing.

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Sound
Listen to sounds that calm you, such as soft music, ocean waves, rain sounds, or a comforting playlist. Even silence or gentle white noise can help quiet your mind.

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Smell
Light a candle, use essential oils, bake something pleasant, or simply breathe in the scent of fresh air. Pleasant smells can quickly shift mood and memory.‍

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Taste
Savor something comforting, a warm cup of tea, a favorite snack, or mint gum. Focus on the flavor and temperature to stay present in the moment.

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Touch
Wrap yourself in a soft blanket, hold a warm mug, pet your dog or cat, or take a warm bath. Physical sensations of comfort help release tension and create a sense of safety.

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You can build a Self-Soothe Kit with small items that appeal to your senses, such as lotion, tea, photos, smooth stones, or cozy socks, so your tools are ready when you need them most.

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Creating Calm on Purpose

Self-soothing isn’t about escaping feelings; it’s about giving yourself the care and gentleness you need to ride the wave of emotion safely. Over time, this skill teaches you to become your own source of comfort and stability, even when life feels unpredictable.

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If you’d like to learn DBT skills like Self-Soothe or other tools for managing intense emotions, our therapists are here to help. 

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References 

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.

Rathus, J. H., & Miller, A. L. (2015). DBT skills manual for adolescents. Guilford Press.